“I’ve been out walking
I don’t do too much talking
These days, these days
These days I seem to think a lot
About the things that I forgot to do
And all the times I had the chance to…”
ome lyrics ring louder some days than other days. These days these words are both haunting and troublesome. I find myself again struggling to find some joy, some light, something beyond checking the boxes each day and fulfilling responsibility.
thought I had it knocked last week when I was heading up to play golf the day after a wonderful Thanksgiving celebration (small, distanced and in a great open air setting at a restaurant with three friends and my lovely wife) and on the radio comes THE mandatory kickoff to holiday season…Bruce’s version of SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN. I actually found myself tearing up thinking how great it was that even in this upside down world, that 40+ year tradition still meant something to me.
ince then, we’ve put the tree up and all I felt was “big deal”, gonna decorate it in a few minutes, but again, it’s an obligation not an event. RUDOLPH that Sue LOVES is recorded and we started to watch it yesterday (had to stop as she fell asleep from sheer exhaustion ) and all I did was scroll through my iPad while it was running.
am excited about celebrating her birthday in a couple of days, but on a day by day basis I find myself almost in a fog. I get a big kick out of my few classes in the morning, I come home, walk the dog when the weather permits and after that I simply wait as if I as in suspended animation until happy hour, knowing that a few hours later it will be time to try to sleep.
can’t stand that the entire news cycle has, again, been dominated as it was in March by Covid. While the excitement of a viable vaccine does temper that a small amount, I simply listen to music, play word games online and try to decide if it will be wine, gin, tequila, irish whiskey or a single malt at 5 pm.
s a 68 year old, active educator who still is technically obese due to BMI calculations (thanks to being short), I’m actually toward an early part of the vaccine list and that is hopeful, hopeful that I can resume traveling, dining out, and more importantly seeing my kids and grandkids who are now headed toward their own retirement age it’s been that long since I’ve seen them.
long to hug people, to shake hands after a golf match, to pat a kid on the back when they do a good job…it’s been too long…and while I rejoice in the fact that both Sue and I remain healthy and active, the “rejoicing” stops short of joy.
“I’ve stopped my dreaming
I won’t do too much scheming
These days, these days
These days I sit on corner stones
And count the time in quarter tones to ten
Please don’t confront me with my failures
I had not forgotten them”
Kevin Fitzpatrick, Dr. Neil Floch’s gastric sleeve patient with over 180 lb. weight loss